The problem with me is me.

Well here I am, a week since Steve has deployed. Just the other day I found myself thinking, "Has it been 6 months yet? Oh, no, only four days." Though we are doing well, really well I can honestly say, the truth is deployment stinks. When I try and think about why, the answer is me. I am having the most trouble with myself. With my husband around there is reprieve from the stresses of life. It is funny, because usually the most difficult part of the day has been around 4 or 5 p.m. when the sound of his motorcycle rounding the corner would fill my ears. I miss that blue uniform walking in the door and the roar of children running to their Daddy. Those first minutes after he gets home are always chaotic, but in an energetic, jovial way. The girls want to hug and jump all over him, Stevie would run around and scream in delight, and Steve would want to begin telling me (his BFF) all about the good, bad, and ugly of his day. Though I was always pretty quiet and relaxed, continuing preparations for dinner or picking up around the house, those moments filled me somehow. Steve was such a great help in easing my frustrations with the kids and encouraging me to have patience. I have honestly lost my temper with them more than usual. Sunday was a prime example. Getting everyone out the door to church by 8:20 a.m. is daunting, and it overpowered me. I growled at Genna for not having her shoes in the designated shoe spot and then huffed and puffed at Eliza because she couldn't get herself buckled in. Thankfully, oh so wonderfully, the entire worship set was about the mercy and forgiveness God offers us. I cried, not because of Steve, but because I had sinned against my girls. Oh how good forgiveness feels!

So there it is, without Steve there is more JoAnne around here, and within myself there is all manner of anger, selfishness, pride, impatience...the list goes on. I have a feeling the Master Craftsman has some renovations planned for me.

I am ready for the repairs. Less, less of me is what I need.