Surviving or Thriving?

One of the main reasons I wanted to blog this deployment was to remember the lessons along the way. A few months ago, around the time we found out about the USS Louisville's upcoming deployment, I bought a journal. I had some alone time in Starbucks and wrote out what I was feeling 12 weeks or so before deployment. I re-read what I wrote tonight, and the theme was FEAR. I wrote how I was scared about how I'd do, how the kids would handle it, and I was scared for Steve. I had fear about where I was spiritually, feeling distant from the Lord. In the midst of all this fear though, I wrote down a verse that the girls had been memorizing for school:

"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall no overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior" Isaiah 43: 1-3.

The awesome thing is, as the weeks went by, God moved in my life. Just to give you a glimpse of the enormity of my fears I'll jot down a few things that come to mind. I am pregnant, due to deliver our son in April. Steve is the chief of the fire control (shooting weapons, tracking contacts) division and cannot be sent home for an extended period of time. We have 3 kids, Genevieve is 6, Elizabeth 4, and Stevie 18 months. I homeschool our girls, and I must submit an end of year report or standardized test to meet Hawaii's homeschool requirements for Genna. Though these aspects about our family don't make me much different than any other family facing a deployment, they have been consistently on my mind since the day I found out about the deployment. So, as I worried, a foundation was being laid in me regarding this time in our lives: survive. I could get through this; I am a strong woman and fully capable of facing the struggles and pain and making it to the other side.

Then God moved.

My great friend Keren Stonebraker mentioned in passing that she was doing a through the Bible in one year plan for 2012. She also mentioned that Jesus' sermon on the mount was really encouraging her. I have been so blessed when I read through the Bible in this way, and it was still January, so I got online and printed out the plan myself.

As I began to read, Jesus said this, to me:

"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" Matthew 7:7-12

I had been so focused on "surviving" the deployment that I didn't even consider the insane idea that God had better for us. But He reminded me of the promise of an abundant life in Jesus Christ. So I asked Him to do a miracle, to allow us to thrive during this time. My prayer was that personally, I would grow spiritually and do well emotionally. I prayed that the kids would also thrive, continuing to enjoy life, grow in character and discipline, and develop healthily emotionally and spiritually. My heart and mind were also changed over Steve. I gave the Lord my fears about him being the only Christian and having little time to read the Word or worship. I asked for fruit, abundant and tangible, from this deployment.
The Lord gave me more than this change in mindset, He gave me faith that He heard my prayer and was moving in our lives. Over the last few weeks I have felt such an abundant peace about God's work and His presence in our family. I am filled with the assurance that He is a good Father. I can fully trust Him. A very 31 weeks pregnant as we say goodbye! Expecting awesome things from our great God.