Homeschool!?

Today has been a really special day. My amazing friend Keren, who has six children of her own, offered to have my two girls spend the night with them. So when I got home from church last night I had just my boy to put to bed, and when I woke up this morning there were no goofy, giggling girls in my bed begging me to come down and make breakfast. Stevie actually slept so long that I was able to spend TWO hours reading the Word and journaling. I can't think of the last time that happened.

Anyway, Stevie and I had a delicious bowl of oatmeal for breakfast and went on a great walk around our neighborhood. After a shower I took him with me to pamper my feet at my local nail salon. The lady in the chair next to me wanted to know what I was having, so I told her it was a boy. She asked if we would try for a girl next! I told her I already had two girls. She asked if any of them were in school and I told her that we homeschool our children. She was surprised but interested and asked a lot of questions.

Then it came, "What about socialization? That is the only thing I would really worry about."

I have not been asked about socialization before (especially by a perfect stranger), but a lot of people who homeschool are, so I have thought a lot about it. I talked about the social activities Genna is involved in and that she has her siblings, but while cleaning my floor today some thoughts came to mind.

1. Am I weird? Once you meet me do you think that my having children with me all day, socializing with me, will ruin them?

2. Have you MET my generation or the generation coming up right now? Not exactly the best in the history of humanity! My husband and I have decided that, for now, it will be best for our children's character to remain home under my crazy care.

3. (This is often used by homeschoolers and quite true) There is no other time in a person's life other than the school years that they socialize with only people their own age. Once a person enters college, and more importantly real adulthood, they are expected to interact with people of all ages. It seems to me that socialization with peers alone would retard social ability, not enhance it.

4. My children work on interpersonal skills a lot, especially with each other. The minute they get to other social experiences (Sunday School, ballet, art class, play dates, etc) they share, are kind, forgiving, and generally unselfish. Together the girls (and now dealing with their toddler brother!) do the hard work of getting along with siblings.

5. They may turn out a little weird, Genna's fashion sense is already a bit off from her peers (*sigh* I fear I am to blame!), but our goal is not to raise homecoming queens. Our goals, though I'm not able to perfectly articulate them, are to raise men and women who glorify their Father in Heaven. I don't have it all worked out yet, but He does, and I am quite certain that homeschooling is His will for our family right now. So I press on, that they may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus laid hold of them.

Thanks

I don't think I can even list all the ways we've been blessed by friends and family since Steve has been gone. I've gotten so many phone calls, and visits, and invitations. So many people have told me they are praying for us and that I must tell them if we need anything. I am so thankful for the support God has given us through our church family here in Hawaii. If every week of this deployment is as filled with love as this week was I know we will thrive.

SO thankful!!

The problem with me is me.

Well here I am, a week since Steve has deployed. Just the other day I found myself thinking, "Has it been 6 months yet? Oh, no, only four days." Though we are doing well, really well I can honestly say, the truth is deployment stinks. When I try and think about why, the answer is me. I am having the most trouble with myself. With my husband around there is reprieve from the stresses of life. It is funny, because usually the most difficult part of the day has been around 4 or 5 p.m. when the sound of his motorcycle rounding the corner would fill my ears. I miss that blue uniform walking in the door and the roar of children running to their Daddy. Those first minutes after he gets home are always chaotic, but in an energetic, jovial way. The girls want to hug and jump all over him, Stevie would run around and scream in delight, and Steve would want to begin telling me (his BFF) all about the good, bad, and ugly of his day. Though I was always pretty quiet and relaxed, continuing preparations for dinner or picking up around the house, those moments filled me somehow. Steve was such a great help in easing my frustrations with the kids and encouraging me to have patience. I have honestly lost my temper with them more than usual. Sunday was a prime example. Getting everyone out the door to church by 8:20 a.m. is daunting, and it overpowered me. I growled at Genna for not having her shoes in the designated shoe spot and then huffed and puffed at Eliza because she couldn't get herself buckled in. Thankfully, oh so wonderfully, the entire worship set was about the mercy and forgiveness God offers us. I cried, not because of Steve, but because I had sinned against my girls. Oh how good forgiveness feels!

So there it is, without Steve there is more JoAnne around here, and within myself there is all manner of anger, selfishness, pride, impatience...the list goes on. I have a feeling the Master Craftsman has some renovations planned for me.

I am ready for the repairs. Less, less of me is what I need.

Surviving or Thriving?

One of the main reasons I wanted to blog this deployment was to remember the lessons along the way. A few months ago, around the time we found out about the USS Louisville's upcoming deployment, I bought a journal. I had some alone time in Starbucks and wrote out what I was feeling 12 weeks or so before deployment. I re-read what I wrote tonight, and the theme was FEAR. I wrote how I was scared about how I'd do, how the kids would handle it, and I was scared for Steve. I had fear about where I was spiritually, feeling distant from the Lord. In the midst of all this fear though, I wrote down a verse that the girls had been memorizing for school:

"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall no overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior" Isaiah 43: 1-3.

The awesome thing is, as the weeks went by, God moved in my life. Just to give you a glimpse of the enormity of my fears I'll jot down a few things that come to mind. I am pregnant, due to deliver our son in April. Steve is the chief of the fire control (shooting weapons, tracking contacts) division and cannot be sent home for an extended period of time. We have 3 kids, Genevieve is 6, Elizabeth 4, and Stevie 18 months. I homeschool our girls, and I must submit an end of year report or standardized test to meet Hawaii's homeschool requirements for Genna. Though these aspects about our family don't make me much different than any other family facing a deployment, they have been consistently on my mind since the day I found out about the deployment. So, as I worried, a foundation was being laid in me regarding this time in our lives: survive. I could get through this; I am a strong woman and fully capable of facing the struggles and pain and making it to the other side.

Then God moved.

My great friend Keren Stonebraker mentioned in passing that she was doing a through the Bible in one year plan for 2012. She also mentioned that Jesus' sermon on the mount was really encouraging her. I have been so blessed when I read through the Bible in this way, and it was still January, so I got online and printed out the plan myself.

As I began to read, Jesus said this, to me:

"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" Matthew 7:7-12

I had been so focused on "surviving" the deployment that I didn't even consider the insane idea that God had better for us. But He reminded me of the promise of an abundant life in Jesus Christ. So I asked Him to do a miracle, to allow us to thrive during this time. My prayer was that personally, I would grow spiritually and do well emotionally. I prayed that the kids would also thrive, continuing to enjoy life, grow in character and discipline, and develop healthily emotionally and spiritually. My heart and mind were also changed over Steve. I gave the Lord my fears about him being the only Christian and having little time to read the Word or worship. I asked for fruit, abundant and tangible, from this deployment.
The Lord gave me more than this change in mindset, He gave me faith that He heard my prayer and was moving in our lives. Over the last few weeks I have felt such an abundant peace about God's work and His presence in our family. I am filled with the assurance that He is a good Father. I can fully trust Him. A very 31 weeks pregnant as we say goodbye! Expecting awesome things from our great God.

One down, 170 something to go!

This post won't be long, it is after 10 p.m. and I am SO tired. I wanted to take the time though to note how our first day went. It was a normal day and a good day. I am shocked and so thankful. I woke up early this morning and re-read what I wrote yesterday and cried a bit, then I saw the treadmill looking at me. It reminded me of all my plans and goals for this deployment. One of the first was to do all I could to be healthy for our 4th baby, due in about 2 months. So I walked, and the annoying things super fit people say about working out and making you feel good were once again proven true. From there the day went as normal...the girls did show up in my room with their Daddy pillows (more on that another time). Genna even took her's downstairs and had Daddy "sit" with her during some school work.
Four special things to mention that all tie together: Nikki (a friend), Danielle (my sister), homeschool Valentine's Day party, and Wednesday night service at SSCF. Nikki and Danielle called this morning to talk, to see how I was doing, and to let me know they were praying for us. I remember recently crying and asking Jesus for help, because I was so weak and couldn't do this. Today He was here, and through them His comfort and strength were given to me. Awesome. The party was another blessing of fellowship. A perfect stranger even remembered me sharing about our upcoming deployment and asked if I had people to bring us meals and help. A christian military homeschool mom as well, she knows, and cared.
Though it is insanely tough to get 3 kids out of the house in time to sit through traffic at 6:30 p.m. for church just to arrive home at 10 p.m. for a very late bed time, it is worth it. Our church is the main reason we've stayed in Hawaii for 10 years. There we are known and loved, the Word of God is taught verse by verse by one of the best teachers I've ever had, and the worship music is genuine and so sweet.
Today was normal because I knew it would be best for us to stay on our regular routine and so that is what we did. Today was good because the Body of Christ was surrounding us and reminding us that no trial can separate us from His love.
I'm praying that Steve experiences that tonight, too. Romans 8 says no depth can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus. I believe Paul was inspired to write "depth" specifically for submariners.

Our Sad Day

In Ecclesiastes 3 we are told there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven. Verse four says, "A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance."
Today was our day to weep and mourn.
I'd like to write more about the lessons learned so far, about all that God has already given me and taught me, but I think the time for that will come. Today is still a time to mourn.
Steve left today for a six month deployment. The last few days have been hard. Today was the hardest day by far, undoubtedly one of the hardest days of my life. It began so precious, more precious because we knew another morning of cuddling kids in our not-so-big queen size bed wouldn't happen again for a long time. Thankfully Steve didn't have to check in at his usual 6:30 a.m., so we were able to have that cuddle time. The whole family took Daddy to work and then headed home to get ready.
All the families were invited to the boat for lunch and goodbyes. As I loaded the kids up I looked outside: rain, lots of rain. The weather certainly matched my mood. The feelings flowing through me were mixed, deeply sad and the desire to be strong for my family.
Steve met us at the gate to the pier and we had a nice but wet lunch with him and the other crew members and families on the pier. No tears...until it was time to say goodbye. We took a few precious family pictures, gathered our things, and headed to a more private area. I was losing control of my emotions, tears were escaping through my desire to remain strong.
Steve said goodbye to the kids first. Genevieve, oh our dear sweet girl. She hugged and cried with all her heart. She wears her emotions on her sleeve and her heart opens wide to love those fortunate enough to be in her world. Elizabeth was different, hiding her pain with jokes and a little distance. She hugged her Daddy with all her might but shed no tears. As we left though, her heart opened and she said, "I'm just so sad Daddy is going away." Stevie is still too young to understand more than that we had to say bye to Daddy. He won't remember today, or the deployment. I'm thankful for that mercy.
Then it was my turn. How do you tell your dearest goodbye? Thankfully we have been blessed with such a love, deep and strong, it didn't matter what we said. I love him, he loves me. A few years ago he felt the desire of God was for him to make a difference, to be a light in a very dark aspect of the world. I am called to follow him. Today that meant letting each other go. And then he turned, and began to walk away, and turned back to smile his dear smile. And then he was gone, lost to me in a sea of uniforms.
We came back about an hour later as his sub pulled away from the pier. He was standing topside, thankfully a line handling supervisor, though too distant to really see. We waved with all our might, and yelled one loud "We love you!" to get his attention. He waved, and blew a kiss.
Then I looked and a wall of rainwater as one sees in Hawaii was almost upon us. We were soaked in seconds. But we saw him off, and now we have weeks of tomorrows until his return.

At the end of a long road

I'm finally finished! Whew, that was a long three years. The whole thing began with the desire to be able to support a ministry, and prayer for money to do so. God led me to use my GI Bill at Liberty University, and in the summer of 2008 I began college classes. I began part-time; I had two young daughters to look after and a Navy man to support. Looking back, those first classes were so EASY! What was I thinking, only part-time?
Well life went on and those two young daughters grew and I began to homeschool Genevieve. At the same time I became pregnant with our third child. We faced a fork in the road, something had to give. I couldn't homeschool will my full attention because I also had my degree on the stove cooking away. So, like Stygers, our decision was to dive in deeper and finish a little quicker. I took on a full load of college classes, and thankfully God provided help with the kids so I could have a bit more time to study.
The last year has been rather crazy, and my home has been a perpetual state of messy. But, I'm done, at last!