One of the hardest things about being a submariner's wife is the silence. I haven't heard my husband's voice in over a month. I haven't seen his face on a video screen. The one blessing is e-mail, and as of today it has been two weeks since I've gotten one from Steve. It certainly could be worse, before the days of email families were allowed to send 6, 200 character "family grams" during deployment. How insane is that? But that thought doesn't cross my mind too often. What I think of most is how much I want an email. So my cell phone is constantly at my side, and any time I hear the little signal that I've received an email I check it right away. I hate being tied to my phone in that way, but I can't get away from it either. Even during my weird pregnancy insomnia where I wake up at 3am, I check my email.
The other morning I cried because my inbox was full of spam, but nothing from the one sender I would be overjoyed to see: stygersj. I'd say I was doing really well before this "silence" set in. I've noticed over the last few days that I'm more irritable, and cranky.
Thankfully though, after the tears had fallen, the Lord reminded me of one glorious thing. Though I haven't seen, heard from, or talked to Steve; though I don't know how his days are going, what he's feeling, if he's getting enough rest, or what he's eaten that day (weird, I know, but I'm always interested!);
The Lord does!
It is a wonderful comfort to know that even at this moment, Jesus is here with me, AND (who knows how deep under the waves) with my husband at the same time.
So I love and hate my phone, but more importantly I need to rest in the One who is with us both, in this moment, keeping us close.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Unforgetable memories
I have a terrible memory, but I hope that writing them down will help me to be able to recall the most precious things of life.
Stevie, naked after a shower, laying on my bedroom floor, looking at a Veggie Tales book.
The girls sitting at the island waiting for cheerios, kindly allowing the one who asked to have the Princess Genevieve bowl.
Being woken up early while its still dark by a sleepy girl crawling into my bed. Genna usually brings her Daddy pillow with her.
Stevie learning to do a summer-salt.
The girls sitting at their school picnic table coloring a Bible page and Stevie sitting with them, coloring and feeling so proud to be like his sisters.
Stevie blowing raspberries on my huge pregnant belly.
Genevieve telling me all about what she dreamed her wedding dress would look like. Lace gloves, lace dress with a hoop so it would stick out, "that didn't show my tummy or boobies Mommy," and lace veil over her hair long. "I don't know who the husband was though." I told her that part wasn't quite important yet (at least not at age 6!)
Elizabeth squatting in the grass and going shee shee near the Hale Koa parking garage, and midstream saying, "This is AWESOME!"
Three kids squished in the RAV4 we borrowed for a few days sharing goldfish, toys, and asking me to turn up Air 1.
Stevie, naked after a shower, laying on my bedroom floor, looking at a Veggie Tales book.
The girls sitting at the island waiting for cheerios, kindly allowing the one who asked to have the Princess Genevieve bowl.
Being woken up early while its still dark by a sleepy girl crawling into my bed. Genna usually brings her Daddy pillow with her.
Stevie learning to do a summer-salt.
The girls sitting at their school picnic table coloring a Bible page and Stevie sitting with them, coloring and feeling so proud to be like his sisters.
Stevie blowing raspberries on my huge pregnant belly.
Genevieve telling me all about what she dreamed her wedding dress would look like. Lace gloves, lace dress with a hoop so it would stick out, "that didn't show my tummy or boobies Mommy," and lace veil over her hair long. "I don't know who the husband was though." I told her that part wasn't quite important yet (at least not at age 6!)
Elizabeth squatting in the grass and going shee shee near the Hale Koa parking garage, and midstream saying, "This is AWESOME!"
Three kids squished in the RAV4 we borrowed for a few days sharing goldfish, toys, and asking me to turn up Air 1.
One month down, five to go
February 7, 2012 was our sad day. March 7, 2012 was a very unexceptional day. I guess, in the long run, that is the goal. I have a friend who has often referred me to the blog Sacred Mundane. Those words alone envoke a lot of thoughts. God calls my life sacred, holy not because it is extraordinary, but because it is His. This last month has been the process of settling into a new normal, but continuing to be the way we've always lived: simple, peaceful, joyful, moving forward. I believe we have carried on with our sacred mundane lives to the glory of God. The kids display none of the horror story "military brat" symptoms, and I hope the same can be said for me. We talk about Steve all the time, and the girls are excited about the changes in our lives that will make him so proud. Elizabeth is excited to learn to swim with "no floaties" and surprise her Daddy. Genevieve lost a tooth and the first thing she said about it was, "I want to tell Dad!" I think my deepest desire is that he'll come home and be proud of his wife. When I think about what life is like on the sub, when I think about how hard it must be to be away from us all, I just want to do my very best for this man.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Sweet Kids
I've been so proud of the kids lately. I am seeing really good developments in them that bless me so much. I told you I was praying that we (all) would thrive during this deployment, that God would allow each of us the grace to go beyond just getting by until our family was "normal" again. I believe I am seeing an answer to that prayer.
For Genevieve, one of our most frequent comments to her (in correction) was that she was too intense with her brother. It is part of who she is. She is the epitome of an exclamation point. Her highs are high and her lows are low. Steve and I have really talked to her a lot about controlling her emotions instead of letting them control her. Though Elizabeth doesn't seem to mind her intensity so much, Stevie certainly does. He is frustrated by her abundant kisses and squeezes; he doesn't like her loud way of playing. Over the last couple of weeks, I have seen her respond to his rebuffs before I need to remind her of what we've discussed. I'm so thankful for this. She's also a great help to me, her and Elizabeth both. At the zoo a couple weeks ago they were like little mommies with my friend's children. The girls were the oldest ones, all the other kids were two and younger. They took hands and helped to corral the little ones. I'm so thankful for my little helpers.
Elizabeth continues to bless me with her love for homeschool (reading more than math), putting puzzles together on my bathroom floor (they just finished a 100 piece puzzle tonight!), and making Stevie laugh. The two of them really have a special bond. For a long time she was really apprehensive of swimming without water wings, but on Friday and today she was so brave! Though she is our tough one, Genna is more adventurous to try something new. We've encouraged Elizabeth for six months or so (off and on) to try swimming and she flatly refused. The last two swimming opportunities, though, what a change! It is so fun to have her run up to me and excitedly exclaim that she swam!
Just last night Stevie learned to do a summer-salt! Before Steve left he would put his head on the floor and the girls would push him over. I'm continually amazed at this boy! I've got it all on video, which is really great. His obedience training (makes him sound like a puppy!) is also going so well. Especially when we are out, he is very obedient to my voice. I'm really thankful for this since I'll need him to obey what I say when the new baby comes. Thankfully there is still a month or so to continue working on it. Like his sisters, he doesn't throw huge fits, though unlike them he is way more physical than verbal. That pretty much describes the male gender though!
I know Steve will see the changes in the kids right away when he comes; my prayer is that he is blessed by all God has done and continues to do in our family.
For Genevieve, one of our most frequent comments to her (in correction) was that she was too intense with her brother. It is part of who she is. She is the epitome of an exclamation point. Her highs are high and her lows are low. Steve and I have really talked to her a lot about controlling her emotions instead of letting them control her. Though Elizabeth doesn't seem to mind her intensity so much, Stevie certainly does. He is frustrated by her abundant kisses and squeezes; he doesn't like her loud way of playing. Over the last couple of weeks, I have seen her respond to his rebuffs before I need to remind her of what we've discussed. I'm so thankful for this. She's also a great help to me, her and Elizabeth both. At the zoo a couple weeks ago they were like little mommies with my friend's children. The girls were the oldest ones, all the other kids were two and younger. They took hands and helped to corral the little ones. I'm so thankful for my little helpers.
Elizabeth continues to bless me with her love for homeschool (reading more than math), putting puzzles together on my bathroom floor (they just finished a 100 piece puzzle tonight!), and making Stevie laugh. The two of them really have a special bond. For a long time she was really apprehensive of swimming without water wings, but on Friday and today she was so brave! Though she is our tough one, Genna is more adventurous to try something new. We've encouraged Elizabeth for six months or so (off and on) to try swimming and she flatly refused. The last two swimming opportunities, though, what a change! It is so fun to have her run up to me and excitedly exclaim that she swam!
Just last night Stevie learned to do a summer-salt! Before Steve left he would put his head on the floor and the girls would push him over. I'm continually amazed at this boy! I've got it all on video, which is really great. His obedience training (makes him sound like a puppy!) is also going so well. Especially when we are out, he is very obedient to my voice. I'm really thankful for this since I'll need him to obey what I say when the new baby comes. Thankfully there is still a month or so to continue working on it. Like his sisters, he doesn't throw huge fits, though unlike them he is way more physical than verbal. That pretty much describes the male gender though!
I know Steve will see the changes in the kids right away when he comes; my prayer is that he is blessed by all God has done and continues to do in our family.
Friday, March 2, 2012
Hope
My feelings at this moment are indescribable. So I will state the facts and add a lot of exclamation points.
When Steve left there was little hope of his being able to come home for the birth of our son. There was a chance he might have a week.
As soon as they left the schedule changed, and then changed again!
Though I had said the situation was the Lord's, all this schedule changing really helped me to actually put the prayer to have him come in God's hands.
Over a week ago I got an email from him saying they were looking at letting him come for 20-25 days!!
Just now, only moments ago, I got an email (the first in over a week). His exact words were, "look for tickets."
Just imagine the excited and joyful HOPE that is bubbling over within me at this moment!!!!
Nothing is for sure, but one thing I know, I trust that the Lord does all things well. Please keep praying!!
When Steve left there was little hope of his being able to come home for the birth of our son. There was a chance he might have a week.
As soon as they left the schedule changed, and then changed again!
Though I had said the situation was the Lord's, all this schedule changing really helped me to actually put the prayer to have him come in God's hands.
Over a week ago I got an email from him saying they were looking at letting him come for 20-25 days!!
Just now, only moments ago, I got an email (the first in over a week). His exact words were, "look for tickets."
Just imagine the excited and joyful HOPE that is bubbling over within me at this moment!!!!
Nothing is for sure, but one thing I know, I trust that the Lord does all things well. Please keep praying!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)