A Day of Moments

I recently heard that the question, "How was your day?" is the question most people desire to be asked.  Interesting, isn't it?  We just want someone to care about our day, a place where we can lay it all down and move on into tomorrow.  So, I'm pretending that someone has just asked me, "JoAnne, how was your day?"

My day, oh my day!  It began so well, the first moments were great.  I was up early with cup of coffee and my Bible, my journal and my "The Power of a Praying Wife" book.  I had a blessed time of reading, praying, and journaling.  It has really been a while since I've had the hour before sunrise to myself like that.  The girls woke up first; Genevieve naked and all smiles, and Elizabeth wearing her brother's batman pajamas, a bit cranky and cold.  My girls usually wake up this way.  We had a sweet moment of cuddling on the love seat before Charlie woke up.  As I nursed him, Elizabeth asked me to read from their Children's Encyclopedia.  I had a fun moment of demonstrating the rotation of the Earth to them.
After breakfast my friend Caroline offered to watch the kids while I went for my daily run.  I took Stevie in the Bob stroller and we started out.  It was a beautiful, windy, cool morning.  About 15 minutes into it I saw something that reminded me of Genna's art class.  I had forgotten Genna's art class!  As I ran home I was so frustrated with myself.  Yesterday we almost missed a housing appointment.  Get it together, JoAnne!  Well we made it to art and back, whew!
I made the kids a snack and while eating a pear Elizabeth lost her first tooth!  I couldn't believe how quickly my little girl was growing up.  She really wanted to be able to tell her Dad, and he happened to call soon after that!  It was great to be able to share the news with him.
As the afternoon went on my day got really difficult.  Stevie wouldn't take a nap, Charlie was crying a lot and I just couldn't figure out why.  All of this distracted me from the girls so they weren't doing their school work.  I felt like I had needs popping up all around me and I couldn't meet them all.  Finally I got Stevie to go down, but Charlie was still crying.  I gave up.  The girls were kind of doing work but I just took Charlie upstairs and got into bed with him.  We both fell asleep.
At some point Elizabeth brought me my phone, covered in gunk from her fingers, telling me someone had called.  Yuck.  It had been plugged in to charge, oh well.  I went back to sleep and Caroline took the girls to the beach encouraging me to come out if I had the energy.
The phone rang, what do you know I had it next to me, it was Steve.  To hear his voice at that moment was like flowers on a bad day.  We shared our rough days with each other, but it couldn't be the same.  I think my favorite part of the day is when Steve comes home and we are able to share, unload the burden of thoughts, feelings, hurts, all things deeply personal, with each other.  Though it wasn't the same as having him home, I was so thankful to get this unexpected call.
The burden of my day was unloaded, but I now had the burden of my dearest one's heart.  I so hate not being with him.  What should I do?  Stevie was waking up, crying and cranky, and Charlie needed to eat soon.  Caroline's encouragement to come out to the beach was on my mind.  Should I, could I?

I did.  The boys and I loaded up and drove out to beautiful waters and the setting sun.  The last moments of my day have been good: praying for my husband, sharing a meal with my family, bathing my rascally toddler, cuddling, singing, reading, kisses good night.

So, how was your day? 

Life Overwhelming

I am amazed at how much time has passed since I last blogged.  I wonder if I'll ever be able to recapture the memories of the last five weeks.  The reason I am sitting here now is because I know the experiences of those last weeks have taught me so much and I don't want to forget.  For a VERY brief overview, here is what has happened:

• My husband deployed in February.
• The engine in our "new" minivan died.
• My fourth child, due to arrive April 11th, was born March 21st, three weeks early.
• An amazing woman of God, Caroline, was staying with us and watched the kids while I was at the hospital.
• My parents dropped everything, changed their flights, and flew in to Honolulu within 36 hours of my calling to tell them Charlie was on his way.
• My dear friends, with families of their own, dropped everything to be at the hospital with me, for a very long 36 hours.
• With the help of my Dad, I bought a new 2012 Toyota Sienna.
• Those in charge of Steve's sub decided that he did not need to fly home since the baby was born and we were both doing well.

What I want to say as I look back over the time that has gone by, is how overwhelming the presence of God has been for me.  If anyone had told me in February exactly what we were about to endure, I would have said, "No, I cannot possibly bear that."  The truth is, I am not really bearing the weight of all that has happened.  From the first bullet point to the last (as goofy as that sounds), I have felt the tangible presence of Jesus in our lives.  When the car died, we were provided with free transportation, for many weeks.  When I began to bleed and needed to go to the hospital at am, a woman my children knew and loved was already staying with us to care for them when they woke up.  When I called my Mom, scared and confused as to what to do, the Spirit guided her words and allowed her and my Dad to jump on an airplane.  Within hours, countless people knew I was in the hospital and began to pray for our safety.  At the birth of my son, women who loved me and have been sisters in Christ for years were there to help through the most difficult labor I've endured.  We have experienced an outpouring of love in the form of phone calls, emails, meals, gifts, cards, shopping trips, encouraging words, and prayers.  When my parents left after their two week trip, the Lord provided the same friend to stay with us and help for two more weeks.  These people are more than supportive, they are the hands and feet of Jesus bringing His love into our world.  We have been overwhelmed by Him.

Love/Hate Relationship

One of the hardest things about being a submariner's wife is the silence. I haven't heard my husband's voice in over a month. I haven't seen his face on a video screen. The one blessing is e-mail, and as of today it has been two weeks since I've gotten one from Steve. It certainly could be worse, before the days of email families were allowed to send 6, 200 character "family grams" during deployment. How insane is that? But that thought doesn't cross my mind too often. What I think of most is how much I want an email. So my cell phone is constantly at my side, and any time I hear the little signal that I've received an email I check it right away. I hate being tied to my phone in that way, but I can't get away from it either. Even during my weird pregnancy insomnia where I wake up at 3am, I check my email.
The other morning I cried because my inbox was full of spam, but nothing from the one sender I would be overjoyed to see: stygersj. I'd say I was doing really well before this "silence" set in. I've noticed over the last few days that I'm more irritable, and cranky.
Thankfully though, after the tears had fallen, the Lord reminded me of one glorious thing. Though I haven't seen, heard from, or talked to Steve; though I don't know how his days are going, what he's feeling, if he's getting enough rest, or what he's eaten that day (weird, I know, but I'm always interested!);
The Lord does!
It is a wonderful comfort to know that even at this moment, Jesus is here with me, AND (who knows how deep under the waves) with my husband at the same time.
So I love and hate my phone, but more importantly I need to rest in the One who is with us both, in this moment, keeping us close.

Unforgetable memories

I have a terrible memory, but I hope that writing them down will help me to be able to recall the most precious things of life.

Stevie, naked after a shower, laying on my bedroom floor, looking at a Veggie Tales book.

The girls sitting at the island waiting for cheerios, kindly allowing the one who asked to have the Princess Genevieve bowl.

Being woken up early while its still dark by a sleepy girl crawling into my bed. Genna usually brings her Daddy pillow with her.

Stevie learning to do a summer-salt.

The girls sitting at their school picnic table coloring a Bible page and Stevie sitting with them, coloring and feeling so proud to be like his sisters.

Stevie blowing raspberries on my huge pregnant belly.

Genevieve telling me all about what she dreamed her wedding dress would look like. Lace gloves, lace dress with a hoop so it would stick out, "that didn't show my tummy or boobies Mommy," and lace veil over her hair long. "I don't know who the husband was though." I told her that part wasn't quite important yet (at least not at age 6!)

Elizabeth squatting in the grass and going shee shee near the Hale Koa parking garage, and midstream saying, "This is AWESOME!"

Three kids squished in the RAV4 we borrowed for a few days sharing goldfish, toys, and asking me to turn up Air 1.

One month down, five to go

February 7, 2012 was our sad day. March 7, 2012 was a very unexceptional day. I guess, in the long run, that is the goal. I have a friend who has often referred me to the blog Sacred Mundane. Those words alone envoke a lot of thoughts. God calls my life sacred, holy not because it is extraordinary, but because it is His. This last month has been the process of settling into a new normal, but continuing to be the way we've always lived: simple, peaceful, joyful, moving forward. I believe we have carried on with our sacred mundane lives to the glory of God. The kids display none of the horror story "military brat" symptoms, and I hope the same can be said for me. We talk about Steve all the time, and the girls are excited about the changes in our lives that will make him so proud. Elizabeth is excited to learn to swim with "no floaties" and surprise her Daddy. Genevieve lost a tooth and the first thing she said about it was, "I want to tell Dad!" I think my deepest desire is that he'll come home and be proud of his wife. When I think about what life is like on the sub, when I think about how hard it must be to be away from us all, I just want to do my very best for this man.

Sweet Kids

I've been so proud of the kids lately. I am seeing really good developments in them that bless me so much. I told you I was praying that we (all) would thrive during this deployment, that God would allow each of us the grace to go beyond just getting by until our family was "normal" again. I believe I am seeing an answer to that prayer.

For Genevieve, one of our most frequent comments to her (in correction) was that she was too intense with her brother. It is part of who she is. She is the epitome of an exclamation point. Her highs are high and her lows are low. Steve and I have really talked to her a lot about controlling her emotions instead of letting them control her. Though Elizabeth doesn't seem to mind her intensity so much, Stevie certainly does. He is frustrated by her abundant kisses and squeezes; he doesn't like her loud way of playing. Over the last couple of weeks, I have seen her respond to his rebuffs before I need to remind her of what we've discussed. I'm so thankful for this. She's also a great help to me, her and Elizabeth both. At the zoo a couple weeks ago they were like little mommies with my friend's children. The girls were the oldest ones, all the other kids were two and younger. They took hands and helped to corral the little ones. I'm so thankful for my little helpers.

Elizabeth continues to bless me with her love for homeschool (reading more than math), putting puzzles together on my bathroom floor (they just finished a 100 piece puzzle tonight!), and making Stevie laugh. The two of them really have a special bond. For a long time she was really apprehensive of swimming without water wings, but on Friday and today she was so brave! Though she is our tough one, Genna is more adventurous to try something new. We've encouraged Elizabeth for six months or so (off and on) to try swimming and she flatly refused. The last two swimming opportunities, though, what a change! It is so fun to have her run up to me and excitedly exclaim that she swam!

Just last night Stevie learned to do a summer-salt! Before Steve left he would put his head on the floor and the girls would push him over. I'm continually amazed at this boy! I've got it all on video, which is really great. His obedience training (makes him sound like a puppy!) is also going so well. Especially when we are out, he is very obedient to my voice. I'm really thankful for this since I'll need him to obey what I say when the new baby comes. Thankfully there is still a month or so to continue working on it. Like his sisters, he doesn't throw huge fits, though unlike them he is way more physical than verbal. That pretty much describes the male gender though!

I know Steve will see the changes in the kids right away when he comes; my prayer is that he is blessed by all God has done and continues to do in our family.

Hope

My feelings at this moment are indescribable. So I will state the facts and add a lot of exclamation points.
When Steve left there was little hope of his being able to come home for the birth of our son. There was a chance he might have a week.
As soon as they left the schedule changed, and then changed again!
Though I had said the situation was the Lord's, all this schedule changing really helped me to actually put the prayer to have him come in God's hands.
Over a week ago I got an email from him saying they were looking at letting him come for 20-25 days!!
Just now, only moments ago, I got an email (the first in over a week). His exact words were, "look for tickets."
Just imagine the excited and joyful HOPE that is bubbling over within me at this moment!!!!
Nothing is for sure, but one thing I know, I trust that the Lord does all things well. Please keep praying!!

Car Trouble

As of tomorrow morning I will not own a vehicle. I'll give you three guesses as to why.
1. I'm crazy. I've become one of those well intended, but loopy people who feel they can walk or bicycle themselves and their family everywhere they need to go. No.

2. Our car was reposessed. Praise God, No; we are on pretty good ground financially.

3. I can't even come up with three guesses!!

The real reason is because the Stygers are blessed, blessed! We have given every detail of our lives go God and He has blessed us with His protection.

Steve and I bought a 2007 Hyundai Santa Fe when I was pregnant with Elizabeth. Sadly, we knew our 2004 VW Jetta would not hold our growing family. So when I found out we were pregnant with a fourth I was SO excited, this meant one thing: minivan! I have wanted a minivan since Stevie was born. The trunk has so much room, the doors slide to the side so little kiddos don't slam a door into another car. I was giddy.
The search ended Thanksgiving weekend. We bought a used 2008 Toyota Sienna from New City Nissan here in Honolulu. We payed slightly more than we wanted to, but it had an automatic sliding door on one side! On his part, Steve wasn't thrilled with the minivan, he's much more of a SUV guy, but he blessed me with allowing me to get what I wanted. The fairytale ended pretty soon after that, days later to be exact.
Big plume of smoke out of the exhaust when I started the van.

The dealer took the van and gave us a free rental. They had the Sienna for I don't know how long, over a month. We went on vacation to Washington for Christmas and came back before they called.
We picked up the van and within a week I saw smoke again. They had fixed some of the engine issue, but not all of it. By this time Steve was deploying within days. Oh my.
As of yesterday the dealer has had the Sienna for just about 3 weeks. They called last week to tell me they thought oil was leaking out of the pistons.
On Tuesday morning at 9am I got a call. They were basically over it; not going to put any more money into the van and wanted to give us a full refund. What is the time table for this I asked. Today, maybe tomorrow. Bring our rental back and pick up your check.

One thought: I can't drive home on a check like it's Aladdin's carpet!

My husband is gone. I have 3 young children with one SOON to arrive. I have a motorcycle to my name.

I held my composure until I hung up the phone. A couple weeks ago, my pastor (prophetically!) said he would help if I needed to buy a new car. I called his wife, my great friend, and sobbed. I couldn't even get out what was wrong for a minute or two. She helped me calm down. I decided not to panic, but to take Genna to art class as usual and use that time to walk with the other two kids and think and pray.

God met with me on Tuesday morning. I was sweaty, stressed, pushing two kids fighting over one apple: a simple mom in need of divine wisdom. He gave me names of people I should contact to borrow a vehicle, but most importantly He gave me peace for the storm. I couldn't have Steve at that moment, but I had Him, and I didn't need anythng else.

The hands and feet of Christ have been so tangible to me over the last 3 weeks. This situation is no exception. Both friends I called were more than willing to let me borrow their vehicles. My one friend, Sarah, just happens to be leaving the island for six weeks. Her and David enthusiasticallly offered to let me borrow their SUV while they are gone. No pressure to jump into another minivan.

I told you we are blessed, and I really believe that is what is going on here. I'm not sure if we were wrong in buying the 2008 Sienna, I don't remember really getting any warning signs. What I do know is that God has protected us from an even bigger catastrophe by bringing us through this one.
Here is what I know:
*The engine is bad.
*We had a 60 day warranty through the car dealer and saw the problem within days of buying the van.
*We haven't had to pay for any repairs.
*We were given a free rental for weeks while they worked on the van.
*They have offered to give us a full refund, every penny, for the van.
*My friends are off island for 6 weeks at just the same time I need to borrow a car.

So there you have it. God is good, Amen?

Homeschool!? Part 2

Yesterday I blogged about what the woman next to me getting a pedicure had to say about homeschool. I also wanted to mention what her pedicurist had to say. I actually had never come across such a question before and was actually dumbfounded as to what to respond.

She first asked who taught my kids, like if I brought in a teacher. I thought that was pretty cute. She then asked about how the state makes sure my children are learning. I told her that, for Hawaii, I have to submit a test or report once a year and the kids must be tested three times during their school years.

She asked, "Well, how do they know you aren't cheating for them on the tests?"

I just didn't know what to say. I guess I don't know how they ensure I'm not cheating for them.

Then, that afternoon, during my deeply pensive episode of floor steaming, I thought about her question. What kind of parent would cheat on all the tests to make it look like their child was educated? I don't hate my children! My goal is not to raise ignorant members of society! I would have to be insane to keep my children with me ALL day, EVERYDAY under the guise of "homeschool" and cheat on all tests and reports!

Granted, I have seen the news clips on parents who "unschool," that does look crazy. But, to be fair, I don't know anyone who uses that method so I cannot say more than that it doesn't look quite right.

So, other than looking like a weirdo who hates her children, Stevie and I had a really fun time at the nail salon yesterday!

Homeschool!?

Today has been a really special day. My amazing friend Keren, who has six children of her own, offered to have my two girls spend the night with them. So when I got home from church last night I had just my boy to put to bed, and when I woke up this morning there were no goofy, giggling girls in my bed begging me to come down and make breakfast. Stevie actually slept so long that I was able to spend TWO hours reading the Word and journaling. I can't think of the last time that happened.

Anyway, Stevie and I had a delicious bowl of oatmeal for breakfast and went on a great walk around our neighborhood. After a shower I took him with me to pamper my feet at my local nail salon. The lady in the chair next to me wanted to know what I was having, so I told her it was a boy. She asked if we would try for a girl next! I told her I already had two girls. She asked if any of them were in school and I told her that we homeschool our children. She was surprised but interested and asked a lot of questions.

Then it came, "What about socialization? That is the only thing I would really worry about."

I have not been asked about socialization before (especially by a perfect stranger), but a lot of people who homeschool are, so I have thought a lot about it. I talked about the social activities Genna is involved in and that she has her siblings, but while cleaning my floor today some thoughts came to mind.

1. Am I weird? Once you meet me do you think that my having children with me all day, socializing with me, will ruin them?

2. Have you MET my generation or the generation coming up right now? Not exactly the best in the history of humanity! My husband and I have decided that, for now, it will be best for our children's character to remain home under my crazy care.

3. (This is often used by homeschoolers and quite true) There is no other time in a person's life other than the school years that they socialize with only people their own age. Once a person enters college, and more importantly real adulthood, they are expected to interact with people of all ages. It seems to me that socialization with peers alone would retard social ability, not enhance it.

4. My children work on interpersonal skills a lot, especially with each other. The minute they get to other social experiences (Sunday School, ballet, art class, play dates, etc) they share, are kind, forgiving, and generally unselfish. Together the girls (and now dealing with their toddler brother!) do the hard work of getting along with siblings.

5. They may turn out a little weird, Genna's fashion sense is already a bit off from her peers (*sigh* I fear I am to blame!), but our goal is not to raise homecoming queens. Our goals, though I'm not able to perfectly articulate them, are to raise men and women who glorify their Father in Heaven. I don't have it all worked out yet, but He does, and I am quite certain that homeschooling is His will for our family right now. So I press on, that they may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus laid hold of them.

Thanks

I don't think I can even list all the ways we've been blessed by friends and family since Steve has been gone. I've gotten so many phone calls, and visits, and invitations. So many people have told me they are praying for us and that I must tell them if we need anything. I am so thankful for the support God has given us through our church family here in Hawaii. If every week of this deployment is as filled with love as this week was I know we will thrive.

SO thankful!!

The problem with me is me.

Well here I am, a week since Steve has deployed. Just the other day I found myself thinking, "Has it been 6 months yet? Oh, no, only four days." Though we are doing well, really well I can honestly say, the truth is deployment stinks. When I try and think about why, the answer is me. I am having the most trouble with myself. With my husband around there is reprieve from the stresses of life. It is funny, because usually the most difficult part of the day has been around 4 or 5 p.m. when the sound of his motorcycle rounding the corner would fill my ears. I miss that blue uniform walking in the door and the roar of children running to their Daddy. Those first minutes after he gets home are always chaotic, but in an energetic, jovial way. The girls want to hug and jump all over him, Stevie would run around and scream in delight, and Steve would want to begin telling me (his BFF) all about the good, bad, and ugly of his day. Though I was always pretty quiet and relaxed, continuing preparations for dinner or picking up around the house, those moments filled me somehow. Steve was such a great help in easing my frustrations with the kids and encouraging me to have patience. I have honestly lost my temper with them more than usual. Sunday was a prime example. Getting everyone out the door to church by 8:20 a.m. is daunting, and it overpowered me. I growled at Genna for not having her shoes in the designated shoe spot and then huffed and puffed at Eliza because she couldn't get herself buckled in. Thankfully, oh so wonderfully, the entire worship set was about the mercy and forgiveness God offers us. I cried, not because of Steve, but because I had sinned against my girls. Oh how good forgiveness feels!

So there it is, without Steve there is more JoAnne around here, and within myself there is all manner of anger, selfishness, pride, impatience...the list goes on. I have a feeling the Master Craftsman has some renovations planned for me.

I am ready for the repairs. Less, less of me is what I need.

Surviving or Thriving?

One of the main reasons I wanted to blog this deployment was to remember the lessons along the way. A few months ago, around the time we found out about the USS Louisville's upcoming deployment, I bought a journal. I had some alone time in Starbucks and wrote out what I was feeling 12 weeks or so before deployment. I re-read what I wrote tonight, and the theme was FEAR. I wrote how I was scared about how I'd do, how the kids would handle it, and I was scared for Steve. I had fear about where I was spiritually, feeling distant from the Lord. In the midst of all this fear though, I wrote down a verse that the girls had been memorizing for school:

"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall no overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior" Isaiah 43: 1-3.

The awesome thing is, as the weeks went by, God moved in my life. Just to give you a glimpse of the enormity of my fears I'll jot down a few things that come to mind. I am pregnant, due to deliver our son in April. Steve is the chief of the fire control (shooting weapons, tracking contacts) division and cannot be sent home for an extended period of time. We have 3 kids, Genevieve is 6, Elizabeth 4, and Stevie 18 months. I homeschool our girls, and I must submit an end of year report or standardized test to meet Hawaii's homeschool requirements for Genna. Though these aspects about our family don't make me much different than any other family facing a deployment, they have been consistently on my mind since the day I found out about the deployment. So, as I worried, a foundation was being laid in me regarding this time in our lives: survive. I could get through this; I am a strong woman and fully capable of facing the struggles and pain and making it to the other side.

Then God moved.

My great friend Keren Stonebraker mentioned in passing that she was doing a through the Bible in one year plan for 2012. She also mentioned that Jesus' sermon on the mount was really encouraging her. I have been so blessed when I read through the Bible in this way, and it was still January, so I got online and printed out the plan myself.

As I began to read, Jesus said this, to me:

"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" Matthew 7:7-12

I had been so focused on "surviving" the deployment that I didn't even consider the insane idea that God had better for us. But He reminded me of the promise of an abundant life in Jesus Christ. So I asked Him to do a miracle, to allow us to thrive during this time. My prayer was that personally, I would grow spiritually and do well emotionally. I prayed that the kids would also thrive, continuing to enjoy life, grow in character and discipline, and develop healthily emotionally and spiritually. My heart and mind were also changed over Steve. I gave the Lord my fears about him being the only Christian and having little time to read the Word or worship. I asked for fruit, abundant and tangible, from this deployment.
The Lord gave me more than this change in mindset, He gave me faith that He heard my prayer and was moving in our lives. Over the last few weeks I have felt such an abundant peace about God's work and His presence in our family. I am filled with the assurance that He is a good Father. I can fully trust Him. A very 31 weeks pregnant as we say goodbye! Expecting awesome things from our great God.

One down, 170 something to go!

This post won't be long, it is after 10 p.m. and I am SO tired. I wanted to take the time though to note how our first day went. It was a normal day and a good day. I am shocked and so thankful. I woke up early this morning and re-read what I wrote yesterday and cried a bit, then I saw the treadmill looking at me. It reminded me of all my plans and goals for this deployment. One of the first was to do all I could to be healthy for our 4th baby, due in about 2 months. So I walked, and the annoying things super fit people say about working out and making you feel good were once again proven true. From there the day went as normal...the girls did show up in my room with their Daddy pillows (more on that another time). Genna even took her's downstairs and had Daddy "sit" with her during some school work.
Four special things to mention that all tie together: Nikki (a friend), Danielle (my sister), homeschool Valentine's Day party, and Wednesday night service at SSCF. Nikki and Danielle called this morning to talk, to see how I was doing, and to let me know they were praying for us. I remember recently crying and asking Jesus for help, because I was so weak and couldn't do this. Today He was here, and through them His comfort and strength were given to me. Awesome. The party was another blessing of fellowship. A perfect stranger even remembered me sharing about our upcoming deployment and asked if I had people to bring us meals and help. A christian military homeschool mom as well, she knows, and cared.
Though it is insanely tough to get 3 kids out of the house in time to sit through traffic at 6:30 p.m. for church just to arrive home at 10 p.m. for a very late bed time, it is worth it. Our church is the main reason we've stayed in Hawaii for 10 years. There we are known and loved, the Word of God is taught verse by verse by one of the best teachers I've ever had, and the worship music is genuine and so sweet.
Today was normal because I knew it would be best for us to stay on our regular routine and so that is what we did. Today was good because the Body of Christ was surrounding us and reminding us that no trial can separate us from His love.
I'm praying that Steve experiences that tonight, too. Romans 8 says no depth can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus. I believe Paul was inspired to write "depth" specifically for submariners.

Our Sad Day

In Ecclesiastes 3 we are told there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven. Verse four says, "A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance."
Today was our day to weep and mourn.
I'd like to write more about the lessons learned so far, about all that God has already given me and taught me, but I think the time for that will come. Today is still a time to mourn.
Steve left today for a six month deployment. The last few days have been hard. Today was the hardest day by far, undoubtedly one of the hardest days of my life. It began so precious, more precious because we knew another morning of cuddling kids in our not-so-big queen size bed wouldn't happen again for a long time. Thankfully Steve didn't have to check in at his usual 6:30 a.m., so we were able to have that cuddle time. The whole family took Daddy to work and then headed home to get ready.
All the families were invited to the boat for lunch and goodbyes. As I loaded the kids up I looked outside: rain, lots of rain. The weather certainly matched my mood. The feelings flowing through me were mixed, deeply sad and the desire to be strong for my family.
Steve met us at the gate to the pier and we had a nice but wet lunch with him and the other crew members and families on the pier. No tears...until it was time to say goodbye. We took a few precious family pictures, gathered our things, and headed to a more private area. I was losing control of my emotions, tears were escaping through my desire to remain strong.
Steve said goodbye to the kids first. Genevieve, oh our dear sweet girl. She hugged and cried with all her heart. She wears her emotions on her sleeve and her heart opens wide to love those fortunate enough to be in her world. Elizabeth was different, hiding her pain with jokes and a little distance. She hugged her Daddy with all her might but shed no tears. As we left though, her heart opened and she said, "I'm just so sad Daddy is going away." Stevie is still too young to understand more than that we had to say bye to Daddy. He won't remember today, or the deployment. I'm thankful for that mercy.
Then it was my turn. How do you tell your dearest goodbye? Thankfully we have been blessed with such a love, deep and strong, it didn't matter what we said. I love him, he loves me. A few years ago he felt the desire of God was for him to make a difference, to be a light in a very dark aspect of the world. I am called to follow him. Today that meant letting each other go. And then he turned, and began to walk away, and turned back to smile his dear smile. And then he was gone, lost to me in a sea of uniforms.
We came back about an hour later as his sub pulled away from the pier. He was standing topside, thankfully a line handling supervisor, though too distant to really see. We waved with all our might, and yelled one loud "We love you!" to get his attention. He waved, and blew a kiss.
Then I looked and a wall of rainwater as one sees in Hawaii was almost upon us. We were soaked in seconds. But we saw him off, and now we have weeks of tomorrows until his return.